Banding Together

Normally I'm against those stupid rubber wrist band thingys. Despite the wonderfully obnoxious attitude that some of the wearers sport, they still raise awareness for good causes and I can't support that. However, there is a school in Iowa which may finally have the right idea. Recently they ordered a batch of anti-drug wristbands for their students which apparently say "BETTER DO DRUGS" (story here). Now THAT's a message!

If more people took an active role in the depravity of their children, we'd get a lot more vacation time. I propose that they should keep the momentum going and continue with the proactive encouragement. Not everyone can afford to buy automatic weapons for their children, so whatever the public school system could provide would be most helpful. They could produce a line of "Ten Commandment" themed shirts with the Pokemon inspired slogan "Better Break 'em All!" Maybe they could start an intramural gambling team. Or even better, they could start serving whiskey in the cafeteria! Every little bit helps.

Excuse me. My fact checker just notified me that the "BETTER DO DRUGS" message was a misprint. The full message actually reads "I've got BETTER things to DO than DRUGS". It's just that the capitalized words are the most legible. Rats! Just when I was getting ready to plan my booze cruise on the river Styx. Oh well I guess we just have to continue to focus our corruptive influences elsewhere...like MySpace.

Brackish

It's Bark Is NOT Worse Than It's Bite

"I think that I shall never see, a poem as bloody vicious as a tree", or so Joyce Kilmer would have written if he had lived in Padrame, India. If news reports are to be believed the village is being harassed by ferocious foliage that is not to be satisfied with a little bald kid's kites (story here). Keep in mind this is the same news media that reported the "monkey man" attacks and the rampage of the "bear man". So this story is a tad bit suspect.

In my dreams of owning real estate I see a nice cabin by the lake of fire with few bleeding Aligheri thorn bushes and one or two of these "tiger trees". A prettier picture Thomas Kincade couldn't paint. However, I've never had much of green thumb, and these "tiger trees" might just take off my whole arm, so maybe I'll just plan on sticking to thorns instead.

Brackish

But Bureaucracy IS Hell.

Thank the Devil, I don't live in Saskatchewan! Sure they are the world's largest supplier of uranium so they have a soft spot in my heart. However when I'm pimping out my gremlin with chrome rims and vinyl graphics, I don't need anyone messing with my vanity plates.

Seems a Mrs. Harris tried to get a vanity plate for her husband emblazoned with his adorable little pet name, "Diablo". "Not so fast", said Saskatchewan Government Insurance, and they put the kibosh on the "offensive" name (story here). OFFENSIVE? And I bet they'd allow the name "Angel" without so much of an "Whut are you doin, eh"!

Canada in recent years has been slowly repealing the right to free speech especially when it comes to "racially sensitive" materials. It does make our work tougher, but maybe I should be looking on the dark side of things. When a person can't choose what to put on their own car maybe it is a sign of greater restrictions to come.

Ghost riding my whip

Brackish

Miracle of the Fishes and Peanut Butter and Banana Sandwiches

These days it's not unusual to find that a priest has something dark in his closet. However when that dark thing is a leather jumpsuit with rhinestones, that IS enough to peak our interest (story here). Father Antonio Petrescu who lives in the tiny Italian town of Sorbo, sees no conflict of interest between the "King of Kings" and the "King of Rock and Roll" as they both spoke of love in general. For us the similarities ARE rather striking. Both died and were sighted later, both have touched the world with their message, and both are frequently painted on velvet. Hmm, now which one died of a drug overdose again?

Brackish

Halo I Must Be Going

"Yutes" as Fred Gwynne called them in "My Cousin Vinny". Yutes are hard to reach. They can tell when you're talking down to them and when your motives aren't quite sincere. That plus the difficulty of nailing down the elusive quality that is "cool" make it hard to capture a young person's attention. This has led many a church to improvise creative BFG's for their evangelical arsenals. One such tool is the use of the video game "Halo". The game which is as much of a social outlet for youths as well as an excuse to "blow things up", has proven to be a great out-reach activity despite controversy over it's violent themes (see story).

Not that I don't think video game violence isn't a useful tool in corrupting children, but the theme of war is a sticky business. There is a time and a place for war, as the Enemy says in Ecclesiastes. Also since the bad guys in "Halo" are aliens, and you are nobly defending planet earth, it's hardly useful for turning a kid into a psychotic killer. Many a human adult has played "war" as a child, and only a small percentage actually became violent when they matured. Sadly exposure to violent themes doesn't automatically make one violent. If reading about how a guy killed three hundred people with the jaw bone of an ass doesn't warp children, I don't know what fragging aliens is going to do.

I do wonder how it will affect the Enemy's message, though. Will they say that "He Who Sits on the Right" is their Master Chief and he fragged the power of death and pwned the Devil? I suppose if they use "World of Warcraft" they could have had Leroy Jenkins as a guest speaker.

Personally, I wish they used "Grand Theft Auto" instead. At least in that game you learn such useful skills as how to pick up prostitutes and beat them to death with baseball bats. I got a merit badge for that one in Imp Scouts. Or maybe they can have a "Hitman" night and they can learn how to kill people for money. Mix it with career counseling, and you have a winner.

Isolation my friends, that is what will twist a child into a useful tool. Hours and hours of playing the right games alone without the involvement of parents or close social ties, those are the shaping forces we need. That is why we should NEVER condone the use of a Wii. There is too much emphasis on playing with a group, and do I have to mention the physical activity?

So in summary, there are violent games that are beneficial to us and there are violent games which are not beneficial to us. It depends on the underlying themes being taught. But at all costs social interaction should be avoided. This is especially true if the Enemy's propaganda is to be spread. Harumph, relating to children through what interests them. What's next, getting involved in their lives? *Shudder*

Kicking tail in Katamari Damacy,

Brackish

The Furior over the Fuhrer

Hitler knows how to ruin a party. There are many times when I'm attending mixers with all of the famous tormentors in hell and I'm having a good time...and then he shows up. Last week I was at Samael's Fall Fling drinking a Bloody Mary and chatting up a female demon about bird flu when I felt a tug at my elbow. It was Hitler, drinking a Shirley Temple, whining about his glory days and how he persecuted the Jews and on and on and on... Needless to say the lady lost interest and I spent the evening feeding kittens to my Mongolian Death Worm.

Well apparently even this whiner's visage can bring things to a screeching halt. A school in Brooklyn, NY is banning Halloween, because in a former year a student dressed as the famous fuhrer (see story). Now personally I can't stand Halloween. Once it had deep religious significance to the Celts, but today it's too secular and materialistic. Now it's all about happy candy addicted children in goofy costumes and gaining empowerment by dressing as boogey men from the collective unconsciousness. Blech! However I can empathize with how this genocidal jerk can bring things down.

Why is there ALWAYS that one lone kid who gets the idea to dress up as Hitler, a clansman, or even "He Who Sits on the Right"? I admire the impulse to cause trouble and offend people but, when a taboo becomes commonplace it's just boring. Google the phrase "Hitler Costume" and you'll see what I mean. Show some imagination people! I blame the media for stifling the creativity of human youth. Thanks a lot Mel Brooks!

Personally, I think between having a kid dress as a historical figure or going on a shooting spree, I'd have to go with the shooting spree. It's not original either and rather "faddish" but at least it's more...constructive. Oh well, if I really want to delight in sin hidden in the guise of a religious holiday I'll have to wait till Christmas.

Brackish

Idle Hands...

GADS! Am I BORED! You'd think running Hell's online division would be a glamorous position, full of high-tech sinful fun. It isn't. Actually I have to put tech in quotation marks as due to a lack of funds we just have one computer lab filled with old gumdrop imacs. Not even pentiums, sheesh! Never the less, the tech really is just another tool to do the same old work. Rumors, conspiracy theories, and good old slander haven't changed much, we just have a new medium to spread them more quickly. There is always online erotica, but even that after awhile just reduces to naked person doing blank to blank. Ho hum. No there is nothing new under the Sun Microsystems where truth and lies can be spread at the speed of fiber optic cable.

I used to be excited about my work. Time was I'd come in on a Monday and have at least six internet rumors flying and one or two celebrity videos circulating. My heyday was 9/11 there was so much fear and uncertainty around that time, that people tended to believe in anything as long as it fit their world view. The rumor that Osama bin Laden owned Citibank, that was mine. So was story about seven women dying from sniffing perfume samples that came to them in the mail. What I would do was take real life and twist it, so that paranoia and fear would spread like an unholy fire. I loved creative writing.

All was well, and I was up for a promotion to tempter first-class, until THEY came onto the scene. By "they" I mean Barbara and David P. Mikkelson who run a website called "snopes.com". Snopes.com is an urban legend reference page. The Mikkelson's track down and either verify or debunk any odd tale they find in the wilds of the internet. I had met my match. My Katrina rumors were blown apart, my medical rumors flatlined, and my prized Nigerian scam ended up being deported. We keep researching and developing new fears and half-truths to unleash into he pipes and tubes of Web 2.0, but the endeavor has lost it's "je ne sais quoi". Curse you Mikkelsons! Their site is almost as bad as having people think for themselves!

So here I am running a blog, praising the work of other more industrious demons. Despite the setback I do feel the 'Net to be a source of promise. There are pirates and online predators to encourage. Who am I kidding? That's just theft and abuse dressed up in new lingo. Oh well, I guess I can just spend my time trying to beat my high score in Kitten Cannon.

But then there is always Web 3.0...


Brackish