Monday, January 4, 2010

Double-Barrelled Blessings

The Enemy is cunning indeed. While we have been doing our work to corrupt neutral technologies to spread our sundry temptations (e.g. T.V., the Internet, Xbox) THEY have been working on weapons of Mass Salvation. Apparently there are competing rapid-fire, germ-free communion wafer dispensers in development. So heated is this burgeoning field in the wake of Swine Flu and other pandemic paranoias, there are patent infringement lawsuits flying among the developers (story here).

Nu-Life Products of Minnesota has upped the ante in THE WAR by developing technology known as the “rapid reload system” for fast wafer loading and the “quad-rotator technology” allowing up to 400 wafers to be dispensed without refilling. Former company president of Nu-Life went off to form his own Sacrament Shooter company, hence the lawsuit.

I shudder to imagine these things deployed in the field. Thirteen of such devices could easily be used to give communion in a "5,000 came to believe" worst-case scenario. And in case of a real miracle you wouldn't even need to refill them! I have images of believers strafing above the heads of demons trying to crawl through the mud, like in WWII. Oh the de-humanity!

Well, no matter. We shall press on with our distractions and our temptations. The most difficult enemy to conquer is the one within oneself! As long as we can convince those who have yet to come to The Kid that it is an impossible task, we shall prevail.

Now back to working on the Jonas Brothers,

-- Brackish