Probably Needs the Money for all he Helium Balloons...

It has been said that you are only as old as you feel. I myself on most mornings feel like a sprightly 500 year old. That is, of course, except for Mondays when I feel positively eldritch!

Admiration abounds for an senior sinner who hasn't let the snow on his pate lessen his ambitions. The FBI is currently hunting a bank robber who is seventy years old and uses an oxygen tank. Dubbed the "Geezer Bandit", this droopy Dillinger has robbed FIVE banks in the last three months (story here)! Each time he is armed and escapes on foot. I repeat he ESCAPES ON FOOT, and NOBODY has caught him! Just how old are the FBI agents I wonder?

Young at heart, but the back aches...
- Brackish

Season of Spin (repost from Oct. 08)

Ah, it is again that time of year when powerful opponents with many followers attempt to influence the public by telling falsehoods against the other. No I'm not referring to the current political contest in the States, but I'm referring to Halloween.

Halloween, which is the Christian name for Samhain an old Celtic holiday, has long since been a boogie-man to many a pulpit percher. This year the 700 Club published their annual propaganda against the holiday (story here).

Now while we encourage ANY faith or practice that distracts from the Other Side, the celebration of Halloween is NOTHING compared to the campaign AGAINST it that comes every year. What a great way to win converts by telling candy collecting children and other fun loving celebrants that they are going to Hell. Handing out tracts and shouting out judgements actually pushes people further in our direction than if one reaches out in love and concern.

But are any of their arguments true? Is Halloween Satan's Christmas? Do modern Wiccans still hold evil rituals during this time of year? Well to tell the truth Halloween is rather a "meh" holiday around here. But that doesn't prevent the 700 Club from putting their spin on it. Let me do a "factcheck.org" by dispelling a few points against their campaign:

• Samhain, while truly the original name of the ancient Celtic festival, is NOT the name of their "Lord of the Dead". There was NO "Lord of the Dead". There is a "Lord of the Dance", and Michael Flatley scares the maggots out of me! Actually Samhain was the time of year, the time when the growing time ended and the long winter was to begin.

• The Celts did NOT sacrifice people for religious purposes at this time. There is only a single record of this and this was written by Julius Caeser. It was wartime propaganda.

• This wasn't a time to worship demons, but a hopeful time to honor long past relatives and to get messages of hope for the future.

• Costumes and "Trick-or-Treating" are actually from a later period and have much more to do with the Christian influences on the holiday.

• Halloween actually the Christian name which is short for "All Hallows Eve". November 1 is All Saints Day, a Church holiday to honor the saints and to give converted Celts a holiday to "replace" Samhain.

• His Lord Below had very little to do with the holiday other than promoting it as a distraction. It was just another "Also Ran" like other faiths. No more, no less.

• Wiccans typically celebrate Samhain on a date NEAR October 31. They don't want to be bothered by the many "Trick-or-Treaters" who are out on Halloween.

For more information, from an unbiased source, I direct you to the Library of Congress's website HERE. And for more info about Wicca I humbly submit this from Religious Tolerance.org HERE.

But maybe our best tactic here shouldn't be to dispel the rumors and falsehoods directed against us. Perhaps we should "turn the other cheek" as it were. For as long as people are fighting against this harmless bastardization of a now defunct belief system they aren't spreading the true and more dangerous message of the good news of the Nazarine. They aren't focusing on the real ills of the world and worrying about establishing good relationships with hurting and lost people. Their bad witness might win more converts for us than the mess Christmas has become.

Hmmm. Well, I could do with a rest. I've been up late nursing Toby, my Mongolian death worm through a bout of IBS. That's hell on a worm, they are ALL intestine!

- Happy Halloween,

Brackish

Dropping Trou for the Lord

Human men wearing women's clothing has both been considered a staple of classic comedy and a spring-board for unnatural depravity. It has never been considered a way to bring one closer to one's creator...until now. An island in Fiji has banned the wearing of pants on Sunday as a way to mark the Sabbath and keep it holy (story here). Instead men are to wear the traditional island sarong called a sulu. Which I find ironic because Mr. Sulu has been known to wear women's underwear for sometime now, I understand.

The Methodist Church on the island of Bua has ordered congregants to refrain from work on Sunday or from using motorized transportation. Emergency services are, of course, exempt from this restriction. Pity, because I would have loved to have seen paramedics running on foot to the scene of an accident with their skirts flapping in the breeze.

Not that there's anything sarong with that...

- Brackish

Wouldn't He Be More Interested in Kitty Porn?

We've all heard the old saw "the Devil made me do it". Well, how about, "Fluffy made me do it"? Recently a Florida man blamed the presence of thousands of child porn materials found on his computer, ON HIS CAT! (story here). Mr. Griffin's cat apparently refused to comment.

Now I've always found the shifting of blame on His Infernal Majesty rather innaccurate and insulting. For one, the Master Below, is too busy to handle EVERYONE on earth. Unlike the Enemy, the Master isn't omnipresent. He has to commute and his travel expenses are rather impressive. Secondly, what is the fun in MAKING a human DO anything? That would negate free will and therefore sin. Remember our ultimate goal is the damnation of all hairless monkeys. If we possesses them to do evil, it isn't THEM doing the evil and then they are not responsible. It is FAR better for our purposes to use each human's natural inclinations against them. They do most of the work, we just have to make sure that the human is aware of the "alternate choice". "Alternate" meaning the one we would prefer. Also on an unrelated note, possession is rather "showy", we do our best work in the dark.

But to blame one's own proclivities on the CAT. Well, that's priceless! My own pet death worm, Toby, is nowhere near as technically savvy as that feline must be. Sadly even if the cat was responsible it would be a meaningless victory for us as we know that cats don't have souls. :)

Remember dogs and cats are animals,
death worms are people!

- Brackish

Give to Caesar what is Caesar's and to Alley Oop what is Alley Oop's

Do you know what killed the dinosaurs? Apparently it was TAX EVASION! File this under, "It's not what you teach but how you live". Kent Hovind, who started a creationist theme park in Pensacola, FL is now serving ten years in federal prison for failing to pay his taxes (story here).

He tussled with scientists as well as the IRS saying he and his employees were "employed by God" and therefore not subject to payroll taxes. That would have been news to Jesus who paid the temple tax as illustrated in the scriptures. But then the Kid never consulted H and R Block.

Hovind's "Jurasic Park" will be seized by the government, but there will be no federal agent with a flaming sword stationed outside. Those who believe the world is under 6,000 can continue to be misinformed via the tubes of the internet (drdino.com).

- Brackish

Absolut Nonsense

It is known by many names: booze, hootch, grog, spirits and my favorite demon rum. This normal product of decaying natural sugars has both enhanced and plagued the house of man for centuries. The Kid Himself used it as a powerful symbol of the blood He shed for sins while knowing the sins that over-imbibing can cause. The apostle Paul once gave medical advice to his friend Timothy, saying that he should avoid a sour stomach by taking a little wine with his water. And knowing that Evian was centuries away yet, who could blame him?

Americans tried to ban it in the 1920's creating a bigger problem than before, by giving organized crime a sure-sale product to fund their organization. Well, the next battleground for good ol' C₂H₅OH isn't about what passes over man's lips, but what he slathers on his hands. (story here)

Some Muslim healthcare workers in Britain are refusing to use alcohol based hand gels to fight the spread of swine flu, on the basis that it is against their faith to even touch the "hard" stuff. And getting seriously ill from an "unclean" pig disease is a better alternative? Silly humans, it's not like the workers are throwing "keggers" with the stuff.

Muslim leaders actually criticize the legalistic move, but encourage people to "accommodate their beliefs". Pity. As long as they don't realize it isn't what you put in the body, it's what comes out of one's heart that counts. Keeping believers dancing to this tune is how we can make bombing innocent people acceptable, while ditching the Purel.

Giving a VERY warm toast,

- Brackish

"Let's Make a Convert!" with Wink Martindale

In the Enemy's Big Storybook, He compares the "Kingdom of God" as a pearl of great price buried in field. Once found a man sold all he had to purchase the field. Put that man on camera and have him compete with nine other men and you have a game show soon to air in Turkey (story here).

TV station "Kanal T" is planning a show in which four religious guides attempt to covert a group of ten athiests. The "winner" will receive eternal salvation/enlightenment and a trip to the holy site of the respective faith they accept. No word if Richard Dawkins will be competing.

This version of "Spiritual Jeopardy" is to include guides from Christian, Jewish, Buddhist and Islamic faiths. It is not without it's controversy, however. Although Turkey is largely secular the Religious Affairs Directorate feels the show is disrespectful to all religions and is refusing to provide an imam for the show. They fear that the show trivializes spiritual beliefs and cheapens religion. Funny, I thought that was what "The 700 Club" did.

...and now a vision from our sponsors...

- Brackish

Neo-Nazis Keeping the Highway Kosher for You

Unable to make any serious in-roads to political power, a Missouri-based Neo-Nazi group actually adopted one last year. The state wasn't able to block the civic minded racists from joining the Adopt-a-Highway program, and so the purge began...on litter. The Springfield chapter of the National Socialist Movement happily applied their White Power to the Black top but the state had the last laugh. This year Missouri added an amendment to a state transportation bill which will rename the bigoted byway the "Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel highway"! (story here)

Rabbi Heschel narrowly escaped the Nazi's former attempts of "cleanup" in WWII, and later marched with Martin Luther King Jr. Heschel's daughter is none too thrilled and neither are the Nazis who call this "a lame attempt to insult National Socialist pro-environment/green policies."
Insert "color" related joke here.

As a demon, I know too well that the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. And I applaud the attempts of the Nazis to spew hate while clearing debris but I must confess I love kicking someone in the asphalt when they are down.

I wonder if it's possible to put a mosque off of that highway. Hmmm.

-Brackish

Bluetooth Meets Jew-Tooth

Thousands of years after the Law of Moses was given unto man, man keeps adding onto it.
As if the Ten Pushy Orders and the whole of Leviticus wasn't onerous enough! Sheesh. What is WRONG with "Do what thou wilt"? I ask you? The One Below doesn't ask for much, just live for yourself, that's all. If other people get hurt, they can always take revenge. But I digress...

It would seem the latest wrinkle added by the ultra-orthodox Jews in Israel is that it is all right to turn on your cell phones on the Sabbath day, as long as you use your TEETH (story here)! How delightful another burden lifted by adding a subsequent burden! This was to solve a problem faced by orthodox emergency workers who were forced to use cellphones instead of beepers.

Reminds me of the Pharasees of Jesus' day. Grand ol' party poopers they were. Instead of just teaching the people to follow His law, they added a whole bunch of other stuff on top of it so no on would even come CLOSE to committing a sin! In 3rd century AD these interpretations were written down into the Mishnah, which in English would be a book of about 800 pages. These interpretations were then...interpreted and then more "whisper down the lane" volumes followed. These are the Talmud. Fun reading, those. The Command about not working on the Sabbath day was scrutinized to the point they had to define what "work" meant. They figured that you were allowed to carry a burden as long as it didn't exceed the weight of a dried fig and so on. Petty rules and endless regulations became the focus instead of the actual state of their souls. Thus any joy and meaning was squeezed out of life. I loved those guys.

The Kid saw through this distraction and violated the silliness whenever He could. Preaching Grace and Forgiveness of sins through believing and relying on Him. With Him it wasn't the things you did, but what you believed that united you with the Creator. Sounds like cheating to me.

Anyhoo we still have the orthodox Jews to keep running in their hamster wheels. As the world keeps moving forward, the weight will get heavier and heavier. They even have an organization dedicated to adding MORE legalistic rules when dealing with modern science and technology www.scienceandhalacha.org. I wonder how many chapters are dedicated to the Xbox?

Despite what most American Christians think though, the Jews are still His chosen people. And He alone knows His plans for them. Until then weapons of mass distraction are key, lest they should realize that life is more than rules and the Kid is getting ready for His second world tour.

- Brackish

The Magic of Sigfried and Rael

In the ancient world temples were the Las Vegas of their day. Priests in the Greek and Egyptian religions used a wide range of theatrical tricks and feats of engineering in order to amaze their followers and get those butts in the seats. How fitting is it then that a religious group wants to create their own Las Vegas attraction? (story here)

One of my favorite groups of delusional lumps of clay are the Raelians. They accept the concept of Intelligent Design but they believe the designers to be other mortals on a different planet. No word on who supposedly created the creators.

In order to spread the good word about promiscuous sex and cloned eternal life, they want to create their own "Mecca" to be called "UFOland"! It will have a 1000 seat theater for their leader Rael (former French sports-car journalist and test driver named Claude Vorilhon) to give lectures on how bad science fiction is a valid way of life.

L. Ron Hubbard is kicking himself right now. I mean really. He's with us.

- Brackish

Truth in Advertising

There actually IS a benefit to telling the truth, at least you don't have to worry about keeping your story straight. And believe it or not a man in Cambria County, PA is being punished for "keeping it real". Gary Vaughn owner of "Gary's Steals and Deals" was arrested for selling stolen merchandise on the internet (story here).

Taking a page from the Dupin handbook Gary has been operating his business since 2004. So the big question is why did it take FIVE YEARS to find this forthright felon? Who knows, but it's probably the same mind set that keeps Clark Kent's secret identity hidden.

WYSIWYG

- Brackish

The Shovel of Christ Compels Thee...

I usually envy those demons who can influence their "wards" to take up an addiction. What a cushy job! Oh, all of the time spent in preparation is GRUELING! Abuse, emotional trauma, and unhealthy decisions take a lot of planning, but once the subject is on that road it's almost like getting tenure. Very little is needed to keep them on the same destructive downward spiral that will eventually cause them to shuffle off that mortal coil.

Or is that "shovel"?

A preist in the Serbian Orthodox Church near Belgrade has developed an unusual method of helping patients in his care to beat their addictions...by BEATING them (story here). Father Branislav Peranovic, along with another employee of the Crna Reka center, was video taped kicking, hitting and beating patients with a shovel to presumably knock the monkeys off their backs. When interviewed Peranovic said that all of the therapeutic thwacking was "hard and unwanted, but necessary part of treatment." Not to mention the wear and tear on equipment.

In his defense he said that patients signed consent forms allowing such misuse in the course of treatment. The Bishop apparently did not share Peranovic's views as the priest was summarily dismissed. I'm guessing he had some hang ups concerning that whole "Do unto others" thing.

No One Wants To Be Defeated
Showin' How Funky Strong Is Your Fight
It Doesn't Matter Who's Wrong Or Right

- Brackish

Can't Keep a Good Man Down...

Robert Furchgott, a leading US scientist whose work led to the development of Viagra, has died. Robert whose work led to the continued promiscuity of many an older gent passed away Tuesday at his home in Seattle, WA. The family says that instead of lying in state, it might just be better if he remained sitting. (story here)

- Brackish

Really Hooked on Phonics

Normally we aren't too keen on promoting education. Unschooled people are so much easier to mislead. However I must truly applaud the efforts of two 25-year-old female Italian students from Bologna. Their hearts were burdened by the poor state of education in Africa and were determined to raise the funds to open a school. They pulled the community together in true Frank Capra fashion and worked tirelessly to raise the euros needed...by selling hashish and ketamine (story here)! I'm guessing a bake sale would have taken too long.

I truly hope that part of their planned school's curriculum was a crash course in the Italian legal system. It would seem that they could use a good lawyer. Maybe they could rob a bank to pay for one!

If you don't eat your meat you can't have any pudding. How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?,

- Brackish

Daily Defamation

I'm introducing a new segment today. It's a little bon mot I like to call the "Daily Defamation". It will be a short pearl of demonly wisdom that I can relate to aid in your work in the field. Most assuredly it WON'T be daily as mentioned in the title, but I am a DEMON I can stretch the truth a hair.

Today's advice. KEEP PEOPLE ARGUING. As long as the Enemy's followers are concerned about being "right" they won't care about being "righteous".

My favorite subject is the whole old Earth vs. young Earth chestnut. To my mind it's like two people driving on a road that ends in a sheer cliff. Instead of deciding which way to turn, they argue how the road got there. Six thousand or several billion years, either way it's still a big SPLAT in the end.

Obviously that isn't as important as the BIG argument - the reality of the Enemy's Kid. But this decision itself can be delayed by little nit picky conflicts until the road runs out.

Comments?

Squarely on MY side,
Brackish

Antivax Populi

I've always loved a good ol' fashioned plague! The masses of people quarantined in their homes, the sense of despair, and the solemn cry of "Bring out your dead!" echoing in the still morning air...ahhhhhh! It's always so easy to get a good seat in a restaurant! Good times, good times.

Imagine my disappointment when I discovered how milquetoast the current contender, H1N1, turned out to be. Better known by it's catchier name, the Swine Flu, this catchy but not often fatal version of influenza seemed promising at first but quickly showed it's true colors. As of this writing there have been 3009 cases in the U.S. and ONLY THREE DEATHS! What happened? It all seemed so promising with the early reports out of Mexico claiming over 150 unconfirmed deaths and countless images of people wearing masks. It felt like Christmas! Well, it would have if I wasn't a demon and would have actually benefited from the birth of the Messiah, but you get my drift. Hand sanitizer sold out and schools closed but sadly this flu didn't even come close to killing the 36,000 people the regular flu does every year. The CDC is even already talking about having a vaccine by Autumn. What a bust! I bought a new walking stick and had my hooves re-shod in anticipation of taking a walking tour of the great plague ridden wastes. I guess I'll be staying home this summer. Sigh.

So what happened? Well, microbiology is not my area of expertise, but I suspect something even more virulent to be behind the bravado of this porker peril...FEAR. The animal mind of man instantly jumps into "fight or flight" mode with every perceived threat. They so readily ignore those big ol' brains their Creator endowed them with and react without thinking. Swine flu, stock market, it's all the same. Put a bunch of panicked people together and they will infect and re-infect each other with such intensifying levels of fear that nothing but destruction of some kind will result. This is evidenced by the bloody wounds of red ink slashed across many businesses and homes across the globe. The Mexican economy alone was shut down for five days as people braced themselves against the virus.

Ironically while fear has caused many people to take extreme precautions against an illness with no known vaccine, it has also been causing parents to expose their children to deadly diseases that DO have vaccines. Autism is a real threat, affecting 1 out of 150 children each year. There is no standard test for autism and doctors still have no clear idea of the cause. All of this uncertainty becomes a veritable petrie dish for irrational thought. The perceived culprit singled out as the scapegoat...childhood vaccines. Since 2000 there has been a growing concern of the safety of the concoctions injected into little "Johnny" and "Jane". Basic confusion involving causation with coincidence along with poorly conducted (and possibly falsified) research has fueled the fire. So much so that many parents FORGO the very things that will save the lives of their children to protect them from a disorder that could leave them alive but developmentally challenged.

Early evidence suggested mercury, more specifically the organomercury compound "thiomersal" added as preservative, caused autism because the symptoms appeared in some developing children soon after being immunized. The FDA had already conducted studies in the 70's and found thiomersal to be safe, but due to growing pressure it recommended that the substance be removed from all infant vaccines except flu vaccines. This was completed in 2001. Autism is still prevalent despite the actions of the FDA, and studies done by doctors and scientists that find no link between vaccines and the disorder. However facts mean very little to panicked parents. The Enemy warns against this in the book of Proverbs, "It is not good to have zeal without knowledge, nor to be hasty and miss the way." Thanks to the "vigilance" of frightened parents, there is a growing number of children who aren't getting vaccinated, leading to an increasing number of deaths from oldies but goodies like the measles and whooping cough. This is the glorious result when people are influenced to make decisions based upon emotions rather than rational thought.

Can another plague be far behind? Where is that walking stick?

Brackish

Craigslust

Bad news for prostitutes who have sore feet. Craigslist has been forced by Illinois Attorney General, Lisa Madigan, to drop erotic ads from it's "Erotic Services" section. They are to create a NEW adult section to be monitored (and monitored, and monitored...) by employees. Craigslist had long been hosting thinly veiled and some not so veiled ads for prostitutes and escort services right next to ads selling used futons and pirated DVDs. My only question...what section do I refer to if I REALLY DO just want a massage?(story here)

Needing a cheap chiropractor,

Brackish