The Shovel of Christ Compels Thee...

I usually envy those demons who can influence their "wards" to take up an addiction. What a cushy job! Oh, all of the time spent in preparation is GRUELING! Abuse, emotional trauma, and unhealthy decisions take a lot of planning, but once the subject is on that road it's almost like getting tenure. Very little is needed to keep them on the same destructive downward spiral that will eventually cause them to shuffle off that mortal coil.

Or is that "shovel"?

A preist in the Serbian Orthodox Church near Belgrade has developed an unusual method of helping patients in his care to beat their addictions...by BEATING them (story here). Father Branislav Peranovic, along with another employee of the Crna Reka center, was video taped kicking, hitting and beating patients with a shovel to presumably knock the monkeys off their backs. When interviewed Peranovic said that all of the therapeutic thwacking was "hard and unwanted, but necessary part of treatment." Not to mention the wear and tear on equipment.

In his defense he said that patients signed consent forms allowing such misuse in the course of treatment. The Bishop apparently did not share Peranovic's views as the priest was summarily dismissed. I'm guessing he had some hang ups concerning that whole "Do unto others" thing.

No One Wants To Be Defeated
Showin' How Funky Strong Is Your Fight
It Doesn't Matter Who's Wrong Or Right

- Brackish

What Goes Up...

Being on two different sides of the great spiritual divide, the Enemy and we have different tactics for getting people to "check out" early. We tend to push people to thinking that life is a burden that they just can't bear any longer. They tend to make people realize that life is a precious gift that should only be layed down if in the process of helping others. But sometimes He intrudes on this game to take pieces out while they are still in play. Elijah, was taken to heaven in a chauffeur driven chariot, Enoch abruptly stepped out, and the Kid in the "less is more" fashion simply and elegantly rose to heaven in the clouds.

Be that as it may it seems that budget cuts are being made in the whole "Assumption Department", as an Italian priest has disappeared while flying on party balloons (story here). Rev. Adelir Antonio di Carli lifted off from Paranagua, Brazil in an effort to raise (no pun intended) funds for a "spiritual rest-stop" he had hoped to establish. After eight hours the port authority lost contact with him and Rev. di Carli was reported missing. A search yielded a soggy mass of multicolored party favors...but no priest. It is assumed that since he was an experienced sky diver, and he was well equipped with food and safety gear, he may still be alive.

Ah, but where is he living now? Has he heaved heavenward on holy helium? Who knows. But I wouldn't be surprised if during the Rapture we spy believers shooting skyward while holding onto inflatable rubber simulacrums of Sponge Bob Squarepants. In which case I would caution them to beware of the flaming pea shooters of the enemy. Bwhhahaha!

Brackish

The Power of Bertolli Compels You!

Ask any parent of teenaged girls and they'll tell you, they can be terrors. But for two parents in Edgewater, Florida, their daughter became a horror movie! Back in June the police got a 911 call from the home of Debra and Daniel Rogers. It was from the couple's daughter, Christina. Apparently the other daughter, Danielle, had gone berserk after the couple's attempt at an exorcism using olive oil had gone awry (story here). Alton Brown was not available to explain the spiritual efficacy of such an application.

But this dear friends is not the punchline. The kicker is the mother, Debra, is a CITY COUNCILWOMAN! Funny isn't it. When people want to avoid responsibility for their own actions they say, "the devil made me do it." But here when Danielle's parent's didn't want to deal with HER actions they said, "the devil is possessing you!" What more could you hope for, a government official given to magical thinking, who doesn't believe in personal responsibility. That's a two-fer.

Of course, we do from time to time put on the human meat suits, but it requires alot of paperwork and I'm getting carpal tunnel syndrome! Anyway we tend to shy away from the splashy stuff. It brings us far too much attention. You see, when people acknowledge there are demons, they start thinking that God must also be real, and all that thinking can eventually lead them to find HIM. It happened when "The Exorcist" was in the movie theaters back in the seventies. Church pews were filled with people scared to the other side. Don't think this was just another light comedy, this was propaganda film!

We actually prefer a subtler approach, letting a subject's natural inclinations lead them in our direction. We can't tamper with free will so what we do is make sure the subject is NEVER fully aware of ALL of the choices before them. And believe you me, people don't need much help in choosing to do things our way. The method may not be as flamboyant as forcing a subject to projectile vomit pea soup, but we still get them in the end. Sometimes it's even cleaner.

Brackish

That Will Be 3 Hail Marys and a Shot of Seltzer.

As much as we demons consider priests to be a bunch of clowns, we never expected that they would actually start dressing like them! This story in the Catholic Herald relates the tale of Father Greg "Stripes" Serwa and his life as a priest and a clown for over 30 years.

We hate it when priests use humor in their ministry, because it makes them seem more approachable and (yuck!) human. But seriously who's going to want to go to confession, with all of that honking coming from the other booth?

Brackish