The Shovel of Christ Compels Thee...

I usually envy those demons who can influence their "wards" to take up an addiction. What a cushy job! Oh, all of the time spent in preparation is GRUELING! Abuse, emotional trauma, and unhealthy decisions take a lot of planning, but once the subject is on that road it's almost like getting tenure. Very little is needed to keep them on the same destructive downward spiral that will eventually cause them to shuffle off that mortal coil.

Or is that "shovel"?

A preist in the Serbian Orthodox Church near Belgrade has developed an unusual method of helping patients in his care to beat their addictions...by BEATING them (story here). Father Branislav Peranovic, along with another employee of the Crna Reka center, was video taped kicking, hitting and beating patients with a shovel to presumably knock the monkeys off their backs. When interviewed Peranovic said that all of the therapeutic thwacking was "hard and unwanted, but necessary part of treatment." Not to mention the wear and tear on equipment.

In his defense he said that patients signed consent forms allowing such misuse in the course of treatment. The Bishop apparently did not share Peranovic's views as the priest was summarily dismissed. I'm guessing he had some hang ups concerning that whole "Do unto others" thing.

No One Wants To Be Defeated
Showin' How Funky Strong Is Your Fight
It Doesn't Matter Who's Wrong Or Right

- Brackish

Really Hooked on Phonics

Normally we aren't too keen on promoting education. Unschooled people are so much easier to mislead. However I must truly applaud the efforts of two 25-year-old female Italian students from Bologna. Their hearts were burdened by the poor state of education in Africa and were determined to raise the funds to open a school. They pulled the community together in true Frank Capra fashion and worked tirelessly to raise the euros needed...by selling hashish and ketamine (story here)! I'm guessing a bake sale would have taken too long.

I truly hope that part of their planned school's curriculum was a crash course in the Italian legal system. It would seem that they could use a good lawyer. Maybe they could rob a bank to pay for one!

If you don't eat your meat you can't have any pudding. How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?,

- Brackish

Banding Together

Normally I'm against those stupid rubber wrist band thingys. Despite the wonderfully obnoxious attitude that some of the wearers sport, they still raise awareness for good causes and I can't support that. However, there is a school in Iowa which may finally have the right idea. Recently they ordered a batch of anti-drug wristbands for their students which apparently say "BETTER DO DRUGS" (story here). Now THAT's a message!

If more people took an active role in the depravity of their children, we'd get a lot more vacation time. I propose that they should keep the momentum going and continue with the proactive encouragement. Not everyone can afford to buy automatic weapons for their children, so whatever the public school system could provide would be most helpful. They could produce a line of "Ten Commandment" themed shirts with the Pokemon inspired slogan "Better Break 'em All!" Maybe they could start an intramural gambling team. Or even better, they could start serving whiskey in the cafeteria! Every little bit helps.

Excuse me. My fact checker just notified me that the "BETTER DO DRUGS" message was a misprint. The full message actually reads "I've got BETTER things to DO than DRUGS". It's just that the capitalized words are the most legible. Rats! Just when I was getting ready to plan my booze cruise on the river Styx. Oh well I guess we just have to continue to focus our corruptive influences elsewhere...like MySpace.

Brackish