So a Virgin, a Saint and an Actress Walk into a Bar...

The Holy Mother has been a busy lady lately. First she "showed up" on a garage door in Minersville, PA and now she has a new canvas for her rather abstract style of manifestation. The Virgin Mary Lemon (sounds like a blues musician) was discovered in Wataua, Texas while a bartender was slicing lemons for his father's bar (story here). Marty Nance, saw the face earlier in the week but admits that the identity of the face seems to be in question. Some people apparently see either Mary, Saint Mother Theresa, or ...Nicole Kidman. Hell knows Nicole must have been a saint for sticking with Tom Cruise as long as she did, but I believe she is still alive. Though her career may be ailing because of "the Invasion".

Oh well, as long as people see smudges, stains, and reflections as true visitations of God, I might just be able to go home early someday.

Brackish

The Naked and the Bored.

What do you like to do when you're bored? Currently my time is rather filled with my work here at AD and trying to paper train my pet Mongolian Death Worm, Toby. I don't HAVE much free time any more. But in the past I would while away the hours reading a book, taking a walk, or teasing a damned soul with a cup of water. I can't say I'd ever considered robbing a convenience store whilst, and at the same time, naked. However that is what one enterprising Carbondale, PA man did to spend his time (see story). I don't see what all of the frackas was all about, he had a hat on! It was probably a Yankees hat.

Damn Yankees. :)

Brackish

But All of the Best Defense Lawyers are in Hell.

Tired of frivolous lawsuits, one Nebraskan senator is filing a lawsuit against God. With this State Senator Ernie Chambers hopes to promote legislation to limit the filing of certain types of lawsuits which clog up the system (story here).

This fellow truly has what we in hell like to call, "chutzpah". Ever since that one legal action the Jews pursued against "He Who Sits on the Right", we've been considering our own legal action as well. Over the years we've begun collecting our "dream team", headed by Johnny Cochrane and we have Judge Isaac Parker slated to preside over the trial. The charge you ask? We are considering Anti-Trust proceedings because of His total dominance and control over reality. How's a devil to get anything done, when we can only do what he allows us to do? Doesn't He care about OUR schedules?

No word if CourtTV will air the event.

Brackish

Time Lord of Lords

Consider your audience. That's what every good advertiser is told to do when pitching a deodorant, beer or new type of gum. Christians also find it beneficial, when trying to spread the Gospel, to relate to their hearer's interests and background. This is what one priest in Cardiff, UK is trying to do by having a Dr. Who theme night to attract the youth of his congregation (story here). The church, which appeared in an episode of the show, will be the site of a special sermon likening "He Who Sits on the Right" to the famous time traveler. The message will also include props, and perhaps a monster or two.

Sure I see it. "He Who Sits on the Right" is a master of time and space, he regenerated after he died, and he had a lot of companions following him around getting into trouble. I wonder if His tomb was larger on the inside?

You know this really annoys me. We spend so much time influencing writers, directors, and various other entertainment people to create media to distract people from God, and here a guy goes drawing them back again. Paul did this alot, relating the message to unknown Greek gods, and plays. Someone should have sued him for copyright infringement at least.

Feh. I always liked Blake's Seven better anyway.

Brackish

Happiness is a Warm Annelid

I'm lonely. And in the most crowded realm of the afterlife, that is quite a trick. Every night after I drive home and walk up the five flights of stairs to my apartment, I dread opening the door. The room with it's single bed and one bathroom seems deathly cold and empty to me. So I've decided to get a pet. After long hours searching the internet I think I've finally settled on a likely candidate...the Mongolian Death Worm (see here).

I mean first off what a splendidly imposing name, Mongolian Death Worm. I could put a sign on my door reading "Beware! Premises are guarded by a Mongolian Death Worm". That would keep the solicitors out (of course they're down here, where did you think they come from?). Apparently the only color they come in is red and they somewhat resemble a five foot length of cow intestine. Awwwww. I can just picture him flopping and wriggling across the floor to meet me as I come home.

Another wonderful thing about my new roommate is he spits a corrosive yellow fluid that can dissolve metal. That will save me money, because I won't have to buy acid for my coffee anymore. He can generate electricity, giving me a way to keep my air conditioning bills down as well. You won't believe how much power it takes just to get my apartment down to a comfortable 115 degrees.

I have been considering his welfare. I want to be a good parent, so I will have to buy him a sand box. He can burrow and sleep in his very own little patch of the Gobi Desert. You might ask if I'm afraid of having such a fearsome creature around? Well, not really. Being an immortal spirit there's not much he can do to me, and since I do live where the "worm does not die" I figure it's a win-win situation. This weekend I'm heading to the Gobi Desert. I can't wait to bring home a pet to enliven my dreary environs.

I think I'll call him Toby.

Brackish

God Never Sued "Father Ted"

To be sure I don't know who to be routing for in this one. In a dispute between God and lawyers, it's difficult for me to be on either side. But that is this case in this next story of copyright infringement. An evangelical publishing company was forced by lawyers representing two British comedy series to stop using their catchphrases on posters sold to outreach to youngsters (see story).

The phrases in question come from the series "Little Britain" and "Catherine Tate" and include such gems as, "Am I bovvered", "Yeah but no but yeah", and "I don't know". Underneath each phrase was a passage of scripture. Now usually I applaud any method of getting scripture off the streets, and when we find this bothersome Guideon fellow he'll get what's coming to him. But how do you copyright "I don't know" (Sorry, TM)? I mean I thought British comedians were better writers than that. Are they really so impoverished of good material, that they have to sue a Christian company to protect every scrap of dialogue they write?

Then there's the publisher. If they were using the posters to freely advertise their faith, I'd be infuriated. But they were SELLING these posters for profit. Now there's something admirable in that as well. Peddling God's Word and infringing on copyrights to boot. It's somewhat of a mixed curse, if you will.

So I sit at my keyboard confused. Who do I praise in this situation? Who deserves the recognition? I have no easy answer, so I'll do what I always do. I'll turn on the television and try to forget the whole situation.

I wonder if there are any good British comedies on?


Brackish

Forget the Bloody Apple

I heard some discouraging news today. It seems that drinking a Guinness a day can lower the risk of heart attacks (see story). I'm just ticked because that means the bloody Irish are going to live forever! Sheesh more overtime!

Brackish