Really Hooked on Phonics

Normally we aren't too keen on promoting education. Unschooled people are so much easier to mislead. However I must truly applaud the efforts of two 25-year-old female Italian students from Bologna. Their hearts were burdened by the poor state of education in Africa and were determined to raise the funds to open a school. They pulled the community together in true Frank Capra fashion and worked tirelessly to raise the euros needed...by selling hashish and ketamine (story here)! I'm guessing a bake sale would have taken too long.

I truly hope that part of their planned school's curriculum was a crash course in the Italian legal system. It would seem that they could use a good lawyer. Maybe they could rob a bank to pay for one!

If you don't eat your meat you can't have any pudding. How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?,

- Brackish

Daily Defamation

I'm introducing a new segment today. It's a little bon mot I like to call the "Daily Defamation". It will be a short pearl of demonly wisdom that I can relate to aid in your work in the field. Most assuredly it WON'T be daily as mentioned in the title, but I am a DEMON I can stretch the truth a hair.

Today's advice. KEEP PEOPLE ARGUING. As long as the Enemy's followers are concerned about being "right" they won't care about being "righteous".

My favorite subject is the whole old Earth vs. young Earth chestnut. To my mind it's like two people driving on a road that ends in a sheer cliff. Instead of deciding which way to turn, they argue how the road got there. Six thousand or several billion years, either way it's still a big SPLAT in the end.

Obviously that isn't as important as the BIG argument - the reality of the Enemy's Kid. But this decision itself can be delayed by little nit picky conflicts until the road runs out.

Comments?

Squarely on MY side,
Brackish

Antivax Populi

I've always loved a good ol' fashioned plague! The masses of people quarantined in their homes, the sense of despair, and the solemn cry of "Bring out your dead!" echoing in the still morning air...ahhhhhh! It's always so easy to get a good seat in a restaurant! Good times, good times.

Imagine my disappointment when I discovered how milquetoast the current contender, H1N1, turned out to be. Better known by it's catchier name, the Swine Flu, this catchy but not often fatal version of influenza seemed promising at first but quickly showed it's true colors. As of this writing there have been 3009 cases in the U.S. and ONLY THREE DEATHS! What happened? It all seemed so promising with the early reports out of Mexico claiming over 150 unconfirmed deaths and countless images of people wearing masks. It felt like Christmas! Well, it would have if I wasn't a demon and would have actually benefited from the birth of the Messiah, but you get my drift. Hand sanitizer sold out and schools closed but sadly this flu didn't even come close to killing the 36,000 people the regular flu does every year. The CDC is even already talking about having a vaccine by Autumn. What a bust! I bought a new walking stick and had my hooves re-shod in anticipation of taking a walking tour of the great plague ridden wastes. I guess I'll be staying home this summer. Sigh.

So what happened? Well, microbiology is not my area of expertise, but I suspect something even more virulent to be behind the bravado of this porker peril...FEAR. The animal mind of man instantly jumps into "fight or flight" mode with every perceived threat. They so readily ignore those big ol' brains their Creator endowed them with and react without thinking. Swine flu, stock market, it's all the same. Put a bunch of panicked people together and they will infect and re-infect each other with such intensifying levels of fear that nothing but destruction of some kind will result. This is evidenced by the bloody wounds of red ink slashed across many businesses and homes across the globe. The Mexican economy alone was shut down for five days as people braced themselves against the virus.

Ironically while fear has caused many people to take extreme precautions against an illness with no known vaccine, it has also been causing parents to expose their children to deadly diseases that DO have vaccines. Autism is a real threat, affecting 1 out of 150 children each year. There is no standard test for autism and doctors still have no clear idea of the cause. All of this uncertainty becomes a veritable petrie dish for irrational thought. The perceived culprit singled out as the scapegoat...childhood vaccines. Since 2000 there has been a growing concern of the safety of the concoctions injected into little "Johnny" and "Jane". Basic confusion involving causation with coincidence along with poorly conducted (and possibly falsified) research has fueled the fire. So much so that many parents FORGO the very things that will save the lives of their children to protect them from a disorder that could leave them alive but developmentally challenged.

Early evidence suggested mercury, more specifically the organomercury compound "thiomersal" added as preservative, caused autism because the symptoms appeared in some developing children soon after being immunized. The FDA had already conducted studies in the 70's and found thiomersal to be safe, but due to growing pressure it recommended that the substance be removed from all infant vaccines except flu vaccines. This was completed in 2001. Autism is still prevalent despite the actions of the FDA, and studies done by doctors and scientists that find no link between vaccines and the disorder. However facts mean very little to panicked parents. The Enemy warns against this in the book of Proverbs, "It is not good to have zeal without knowledge, nor to be hasty and miss the way." Thanks to the "vigilance" of frightened parents, there is a growing number of children who aren't getting vaccinated, leading to an increasing number of deaths from oldies but goodies like the measles and whooping cough. This is the glorious result when people are influenced to make decisions based upon emotions rather than rational thought.

Can another plague be far behind? Where is that walking stick?

Brackish

Craigslust

Bad news for prostitutes who have sore feet. Craigslist has been forced by Illinois Attorney General, Lisa Madigan, to drop erotic ads from it's "Erotic Services" section. They are to create a NEW adult section to be monitored (and monitored, and monitored...) by employees. Craigslist had long been hosting thinly veiled and some not so veiled ads for prostitutes and escort services right next to ads selling used futons and pirated DVDs. My only question...what section do I refer to if I REALLY DO just want a massage?(story here)

Needing a cheap chiropractor,

Brackish

Plank's for the Mammories

One would expect a scientific institute to know how to do research. However, it would seem Germany's Max Planck Institute, under the influence of tight deadlines or too many lonely nights, forgot to Google.

In the current issue of their scientific journal focusing on China the editors wanted to find a simple yet elegant Chinese poem to adorn their cover, honoring the asian nation. What they got was an advert for "Hot Housewives in action!" (story here).

We all know the old trick of influencing our young subjects to get drunk and pay for an asian tattoo which ends up meaning something quite different than what they intended. It's an old Tempter School prank which results in many a hairless ape promenading around with the Chinese or Japanese words for "Prostitute", "Kung Pow Chicken", or "This is one ugly foreigner" emblazoned on their fragile bodies. But to get a scientific institute to make such an international faux pas, is quite an achievement!

Or perhaps it was an effort to stimulate the global economy by getting droves of quantum physicists to book flights to China. Either way there is one strip club owner in Macau, who will definitely have to learn German.

- Brackish

Black and Blue Friday Festivities

After the last morsel of turkey is eaten and the last spot of cranberry sauce is scrubbed off the good linen comes my favorite time of the year...the Xmas Season! What, you say! How dare you be caught up in the Enemy's propaganda and celebrate our eventual defeat by honoring the birth of The Kid! Now don't get your forked tails in a knot. Much "good" has been done for our cause by influencing humans to focus on the traditions of the holiday rather than on the central theme. That distasteful theme, of course, is that the Creator's Kid was born into the world to live, suffer and die as a hairless monkey so that faith in Him will save other hairless monkeys from our fate...eternal separation from God.

Through our careful manipulation we have been able to shift focus from Christ to Claus, from spiritual gifts to electronic ones, and from being saved to saving money. These distraction techniques culminate to our holiest of days, "Black Friday". Not that it's wrong for a human to save money on a thoughtful gift to a loved one. We'd never make any progress that way, but again it is a matter of degrees. Multiply that shopper by thousands, and magnify that thrifty spirit so that it becomes a kissing cousin to blind greed, and you've got yourself one hoppin holiday!

And this year the shopping season began with a BANG in a Wal-Mart in New York! One worker died and four others were taken to hospital as about TWO-THOUSAND people surged through the doors at five in the morning with the spirit of giving in their hearts (story here). Their hearts were so filled with peace and love they didn't hear the screams nor did they lose their focus in hunting down every red-tagged item as they trampled, shoved and abused one another in the name of Big Savings. In fact shoppers were angered when the death made it necessary to close the store thus interrupting their search for this year's "Something, Something Elmo" doll.

Don't you wish that Xmas came more than once a year?

- Brackish

Real Estate Going Up...Literally!

We are well aware of the concept of the Rapture. That is when the Enemy will declare "Everybody out of the pool", and assume all of the faithful into that near but far away Kingdom. I wasn't aware that they were going to take any real estate with them.

It would appear that the Russian village of Komarovo is MISSING a church. For 200 years the Church of Christ's Resurrection stood a beacon in a dark and increasingly atheistic world. Now all that is left is its ancient stone foundation and a rather large sense of confusion. Maybe some angel misread the paperwork and ushered Christ's Church home (story here).

In another sad note, but rather encouraging for us, NOBODY NOTICED. These days apparently the only people who attend the church are the region's clergy.

One down, too many to go.

Brackish