What Goes Up...

Being on two different sides of the great spiritual divide, the Enemy and we have different tactics for getting people to "check out" early. We tend to push people to thinking that life is a burden that they just can't bear any longer. They tend to make people realize that life is a precious gift that should only be layed down if in the process of helping others. But sometimes He intrudes on this game to take pieces out while they are still in play. Elijah, was taken to heaven in a chauffeur driven chariot, Enoch abruptly stepped out, and the Kid in the "less is more" fashion simply and elegantly rose to heaven in the clouds.

Be that as it may it seems that budget cuts are being made in the whole "Assumption Department", as an Italian priest has disappeared while flying on party balloons (story here). Rev. Adelir Antonio di Carli lifted off from Paranagua, Brazil in an effort to raise (no pun intended) funds for a "spiritual rest-stop" he had hoped to establish. After eight hours the port authority lost contact with him and Rev. di Carli was reported missing. A search yielded a soggy mass of multicolored party favors...but no priest. It is assumed that since he was an experienced sky diver, and he was well equipped with food and safety gear, he may still be alive.

Ah, but where is he living now? Has he heaved heavenward on holy helium? Who knows. But I wouldn't be surprised if during the Rapture we spy believers shooting skyward while holding onto inflatable rubber simulacrums of Sponge Bob Squarepants. In which case I would caution them to beware of the flaming pea shooters of the enemy. Bwhhahaha!

Brackish

Needed: Three Day Waiting Period on Small Mammals

You're familiar with the ol' saw that video games inspire violence in those who grew up playing them? Funny, I swear that violence and torture existed way before the advent of the joystick. Anyway this next story might go towards proving the theory, that is if the game in question was "Sonic the Hedgehog".

In New Zealand 27 year old, William Singalargh, was arrested for assaulting another young man wiiiiith a herring! Oh, wait no it was a hedgehog (story here). This prickly projectile was flung several yards and hit a 15 year old boy in the leg causing a little bleeding. The hedgehog was found dead. His name is being withheld until his next of kin are notified. The little guy's family might find some solace in the fact that if Singalargh is convicted, he is facing 5 years in prison.

Hmm. I wonder if he hasn't got something there! Weaponized hedgehogs, could be the wave of the future! I see terrorists with bandoleers stuffed with the tiny mammals attacking innocent crowds of hemophiliacs. Hey, what if they were set on fire first? Beware the flaming hedgehogs of the enemy!

Excuse me while I draft a memo.

Brackish

I'd Rather Go with Over the Counter Albino

Greetings all! Sorry for the hiatus, but do to a major shake up (an actual 7.9 earthquake) in our department we've had to put things on hold to reorganize. During the restructuring, and I do mean restructuring as half of the building sank to a lower level of Hell in the process, I got a promotion! No longer am I just a Tempter Second Class. Now I'm a Tempter Second Class with a "Black Stain". After six more stains I get a full promotion. I am very excited and it can only mean bad things for Toby, my Mongolian Death Worm, and myself. Onward and downward!

So without further ado, here is an interesting bit of news concerning the cost of prescriptions. Everyone is complaining about prices going up. Basic necessities of life have become harder to afford as the American economy continues on it's topsy-turvy ride. Healthcare is much on everyone's mind as it is becoming increasingly difficult to get the proper insurance and medications one needs to stay healthy. However in the country of Tanzania, that price seems to have truly risen to an aspiring level. The cost of a prescription is a human life! (story here)

Witch Doctors have been filling their medicine chests, with the chests, arms, fingers, eyes, and various other bits and pieces of Albino men and women. Somehow I don't think THAT is regulated by the FDA! Albinos are supposed to bring luck and prosperity to those around them according to local superstitions. Sadly, this doesn't seem to be the case for themselves as they are finding their members locked up next to the Sudafed.

Here at AD555 we do have our own excellent health coverage through, "Inverted Cross and Black Shield". But that's because we can only get sick and not really die. With that ultimate consequence removed you'd be amazed how low malpractice insurance is!

'Til Later

Brackish